


If I could (then I would)

by Unstoppable4ce



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Attempt at angst, F/F, My First AO3 Post, My First Work in This Fandom, Tragedy (implied)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 10:29:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9319658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unstoppable4ce/pseuds/Unstoppable4ce
Summary: That moment when you realise things are coming to an end.AKA:The author was on an angst spree and decided to have her first attempt, so she wrote it on a complete whim in the middle of the night.ALSO: Author is wondering why the hell is she referring to herself in 3rd person.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Because Of You (I Never Stray Too Far From the Sidewalk](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8944027) by [makemelovely](https://archiveofourown.org/users/makemelovely/pseuds/makemelovely). 



> DISCLAIMER: I was inspired as aforementioned... Credit to the author.
> 
> Don't worry, I went over it again until I thought that it was understandable to others... and to myself but MOSTLY to others.

If I could go back in time, I would go back to when I could still hold you in my arms because that means way before everything good turned bad and straight to worse. Because it'd mean that I'd sill be able to see your smile: the one that expresses how carefree you are - which is something that you've never been able to be. Because it'd mean that you'd still be learning how not to expect the worst from others, how to feel cared for and most importantly, how to feel loved.

If I could go back in time, I would instantly tell you who I truly am without caring for the consequences. Because it'd mean that I wouldn't have to continuously lie to you about anything. Because it'd mean that I'd be able to be who I really am around you. Because it'd mean that you'd be able to see how much love I had (still have) for you. Most importantly because it'd mean that I wouldn't hurt you again: the way I did then...

I still hate myself for that.

I'd do all these things for you with no hesitance. Because there are so many things that I wish to go back in time and fix, because it'd mean that I'd still own your heart.

But I can't.

However. All I can do is try to express how sincerely sorry I am because of my lies and deceit. All I can do is hope that with time you'll eventually forgive me. I also hope that with time, you'll be able to move one from the hurt that I caused you - something that I'll never be able to forgive myself for, because you've been hurt by so many people in this world and I promised you that I'd protect you from them. 

It never occurred to me that I'd be the one you needed protecting from.

~ ~ | ~ ~ | ~ ~ | ~ ~

As much as I wish for you to never be able to find someone else; someone better than me, someone who will trust you explicitly with themselves - the way I was afraid to do - and you'd be able to reciprocate the same. I wish for that someone else will love you just as much if not more than me (even though I know that no one will love you more than I). I know someone will.

Because... How could they not?

You just need to show them that you're more than your last name. Show them that it doesn't mean anything to you. Show them the Lena I wanted to befriend and came to know, the Lena I fell in love with.

Prove them all wrong and show them the true Lena Luthor.

~ ~ | ~ ~ | ~ ~ | ~ ~

I miss you so much.

I just wish you could've let me explain. Explain that I didn't want you to find out the way you did. Explain that it wasn't because of your brother's transgressions that I didn't tell you the truth. Explain that I wanted you to know who I truly was and how much I loved you. Explain that this relationship has always been your choice to make but you'd still have my heart: forever and always.

I just wish it wasn't your tear stricken face being the last vivid thing I saw. Wish that I didn't flinch from the way you spat my name with such hatred. Wish that the shattering of both my heart and my love wasn't the last thing I heard after you walked away.

Because that tragic moment was the last memory that my mind processed before my world turned dark.

~ ~ | ~ ~ | ~ ~ | ~ ~

"Forever and always"

**Author's Note:**

> Grazie for reading! ^^b
> 
> Random Question: Who's your favourite ship / Who are your favourite ships in the Supergirl Fandom?
> 
> Leave a comment down below for your answer or if you want to give your opinion or a constructive criticism. 
> 
> Give a kudos if you liked, don't if you didn't - I don't mind.
> 
> Byeee!! ^^v
> 
> Much Love,
> 
> \- 4


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